Education is one of the most difficult tasks facing us parents. And, although there are no magic formulas, yes there are some key issues that we have to handle with ease. Never too early to start educating you. These are the basic rules to ensure that your child grows up happy.
1. An example is worth a thousand sermons
From the very small children tend to imitate all our behaviors, good and bad.
We can use the daily customs -As greeting, behave at the table, respect the rules Driving-to acquire correct habits and, little by little, take responsibility.
It is no use lecturing always the same story if their Parents do not do what they ask.
2. Communication, dialogue, understanding?
Words, gestures, looks and expressions we use help us to know each other better and to express all that we feel. So even during the pregnancy There which baby talk.
We must always continue communication. Talking much, unhurried, tell stories and let him be who we count them.
Have you tried to ask a question that starts with "What do you think about ...?" Thus we show that we value your opinion and he will feel loved and heard.
3. Limits and discipline, without threats
Must teach separate feelings of action. The standards must be clear and coherent and logical explanations accompanied.
They have to know what happens if you do not do what we ask. For example, we must make it clear that after play has to pick up their toys.
It is important that the child-and us-to understand that their feelings are not the problem, but the misconduct. And to them should always set limits, because there are other areas negotiable and which are not. If he refuses to go to school, We have to recognize how annoying it is to get up early and tell sometimes we do too.
4. Leave her experience even mistake
The best way for children to explore the world is let them experience things themselves. And if they are wrong, we have to be there to care for them physically and emotionally, but with limits.
The overprotection Sometimes parents protect us from certain fears, but not our son. If every time you fall or get hit, no matter how small, we are alarmed to assist him, we will be encouraging him to the complaint and accustomed to continuous comfort. We have to let them take risks.
5. Do not compare or disqualification
We must eliminate phrases like "learn from your brother" "When you get to be as responsible as your cousin?" Or "you're so whiny as that kid in the park."
Should not generalize and we must dispense with expressions like "you're always hitting your sister" or "If you never do."
Sure that does many things well, But lately is behaving like a real "junk". Each child is unique, not all act the same rate and in the same way.
Phrases like "you can swim just as well as your brother, try. You'll see " transform their discomfort on a smile and encourage you to achieve your goals.
6. Sharing our experiences with other parents
It can be very useful. So live a rebellious stage of our son, Something very common at certain ages, may cease to be a source of tremendous anxiety and become just a passing phase but tough. Phrases like "do not worry, my son was having the same" can help us to relativize the 'problems' and therefore make us feel better and act more relaxed.
If we are confused, worried or do not know how to act, we can always consult a professional. We have nothing to lose.
7. We must recognize our mistakes
We are entitled to make mistakes and that does not mean we are bad parents. The important thing is to acknowledge mistakes and use them as a source of learning.
A simple phrase like "sorry honey, reinforces good behavior and helps us feel good.
8. Reinforce the good things
It is proven that positive reinforcement gestures of affection, encouragement, rewards are more effective in educating the punishment. So we should always give emotional support and let's him that, according to his ability, to solve the problems.
Children are very sensitive and adjectives like "stupid" or "bad" I do a lot of damage and can negatively affect the valuation they have of themselves.
We must be generous with everything that makes them feel valued and loved. If we reward him with caresses, hugs or words like "handsome" or "ready", we are building a good self-esteem.
Equally important to rectify their misconduct is to recognize and reinforce good.
9. Do not pretend to be your friends
Although always useful to promote a climate of closeness and trust, that does not mean we should be best friends.
While dealing with children is as equals, we as Parents and educators, we are located at a higher step. From there we offer our care, experience, protection? but also our standards.
Search continues for all approval can be a double-edged sword, And that friendship is also admiration and confidence and it is very difficult to trust us if we do not impose.
A good father not one who gives continuously and not taught.
10. They also have emotions
Sometimes we think only we feel disgruntled and that children need to be happy all day. But they also have concerns.
His emotional world is equally or more complex than ours, why should give importance to their emotions and be aware of them. We must help to put our son first and last name to what he experiences and feels.
What is the best way of praising and scolding?
Many parents wonder if punishments are effective or continually praising the achievements of the children do not become smug people. Our counselor, psychologist Luciano Montero, answers these questions.
Praise is used to educate primarily sincere
The praise is the best educational tool. We speak of praise timely, adequate, timely, well dosed and administered ... But also sincere, ie "senses" by whom says.
Receiving care behaviorsWhich find an echo, tend to increaseWhile those found with emptiness and silence in response tend to disappear.
When we praise our children not only help them feel better and develop their esteem But we are developing their qualities and strengths.
But do not happen that praise children become little monsters in vain? The answer is no, provided they are implemented in a timely and measuredWithin a balanced teaching style, which are present also standards, The bounds, Consideration and respect others. A strong self-esteem, not "inflated" based on self-acceptance is rather a vaccine against pride.
But beware. What gives value to praise the love and good intentions. It is not handling the child making him the ball. If you try to infuse praise aspirations that exceed or a disproportionate requirements, we just attacking healthy self-esteem. O if its a cold manipulative strategy, then the praise is a kind of poison depersonalizing.
To be effective, praise must:
- Be sincere and spontaneous (Not contrived or used to manipulate and blackmail).
- His intensity and form must be consistent with the achievement or to praise good behavior (ie, not superficial or exaggerated).
- Describe the behavior that is praised, because that multiplies its effectiveness"What has been nice all afternoon with your brother, playing with him," instead of just "what have you done well."
- Dose: neither too many nor too few.
The scolding must have an educational purpose, not merely irrational outpouring of parents.
Better scold time. Nothing to hold the eleventh ten pranks and do pay all together with a disproportionate anger.
No disqualify globally. We can say: "Do not remove the sticker to your brother" or "you have to look at the curb," but not "You're wrong", "you're a clumsy", "lazy" or "stupid". These labels do not give clues to the child about what should change and what is more dangerous, are incorporated into the concept that is being formed of himself, which eventually behaving in accordance with them.
It is best not to scream. Parents who do not change are best assert their authority.
Prohibited compare. Nothing "learn from your brother." A child will show if you stimulate greater willingness to overcome. The comparisons create resentment, lower self-esteem and rarely lead to a real improvement.
Do not threaten in vain. By saying "if you do what I tell you do not go in three months," the threat is so unrealistic, it is not credible. If you ever used a threat of a punishment must be realistic and also must be met: "If you come back to play with the ball indoors it off to you all afternoon."
No desautorizarse between father and mother. Mom can ever lift a punishment imposed dad and this make "blind eye". This is no catastrophe. But if the authority is not clearly defined and the rules, the child may even learn to maneuver to confront their parents, and often rebel as habits develop respect and obedience.
Do not get into endless arguments. When corrected must give an explanation, but that does not mean entering a endless strife. Following the reasoning, it is better to be firm.
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